If we want to have happy relationships with other people, isn't it only fair that we ask to have an enlightened relationship with ourselves first? How can we expect others to live in a peaceful coexistence with us if we can't even live peacefully with ourselves?
We live peacefully when we love ourselves unconditionally. We do not beat ourselves up by buying into the negative thoughts that run through our minds. Essentially we learn to be kind to the most important person in our lives - ourselves.
For many people it seems selfish to put ourselves first. We have often been told that in order to be a good person we should put others first, to help others and to put our own needs behind those of others. But how can we love others if we do not even know how to love ourselves?
If we sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of others then potentially we rob the world of a little bit of happiness... We stop being happy in the hope that our actions will make others happy. Yet experience shows us that we cannot 'make' other people happy. Just because we do something for other people does not necessarily result in them being happier. Sure we can lead a horse to water but we can't make it drink...
The only happiness we control is our own.
This does not mean that we stop doing kind things for other people! It simply means that when we do kind things for others we do them because we really want to and because it makes us happy to do them. We are not doing them out of some sense of guilt or obligation.
Once we start to ensure that everything we do is in line with our own happiness then, of course, we start to become happier. Our relationships with other people then start to become happier. It is so much easier to be in a relationship with a happy person who is enjoying doing the tasks at hand. So become that person. Start to say "yes" to the things you really want to do and "no" to the things that you really do not want to do. Then you can enjoy every moment of whatever it is that you are doing and, more importantly, you can enjoy your relationships with others more because you choose it moment to moment.
We cannot make others enlightened. Only ourselves. But the more joy we bring into a relationship the more we will experience lighthearted (enlightened) relationships. We learn how to find joy in those difficult relationships where previously there had been conflict. We start to choose when we want to spend time with our families for example and, when we do see them, we learn not to judge them for being themselves.
If we have are in a relationship with someone that likes to abuse us emotionally we may decide to see them less often but when we do we focus on enjoying the good things about them and not finding fault with the bad. We also learn to stop listening to their negative words about us, just as we have learnt to stop listening to our own negative thoughts about ourselves. If we really can't find anything good about them; if we really can't enjoy their company at all or if the abuse is more than just verbal, then we may even stop seeing them altogether. That is perfectly OK.
The key is to keep looking for the joy, for the positive aspects of others that we can fall in love with again. We learn to switch off our negative thoughts about ourselves and others and replace them with something positive. That way we take the load off. We enlighten ourselves.
In addition, just by setting this example others may follow suit...
We live peacefully when we love ourselves unconditionally. We do not beat ourselves up by buying into the negative thoughts that run through our minds. Essentially we learn to be kind to the most important person in our lives - ourselves.
For many people it seems selfish to put ourselves first. We have often been told that in order to be a good person we should put others first, to help others and to put our own needs behind those of others. But how can we love others if we do not even know how to love ourselves?
If we sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of others then potentially we rob the world of a little bit of happiness... We stop being happy in the hope that our actions will make others happy. Yet experience shows us that we cannot 'make' other people happy. Just because we do something for other people does not necessarily result in them being happier. Sure we can lead a horse to water but we can't make it drink...
The only happiness we control is our own.
This does not mean that we stop doing kind things for other people! It simply means that when we do kind things for others we do them because we really want to and because it makes us happy to do them. We are not doing them out of some sense of guilt or obligation.
Once we start to ensure that everything we do is in line with our own happiness then, of course, we start to become happier. Our relationships with other people then start to become happier. It is so much easier to be in a relationship with a happy person who is enjoying doing the tasks at hand. So become that person. Start to say "yes" to the things you really want to do and "no" to the things that you really do not want to do. Then you can enjoy every moment of whatever it is that you are doing and, more importantly, you can enjoy your relationships with others more because you choose it moment to moment.
We cannot make others enlightened. Only ourselves. But the more joy we bring into a relationship the more we will experience lighthearted (enlightened) relationships. We learn how to find joy in those difficult relationships where previously there had been conflict. We start to choose when we want to spend time with our families for example and, when we do see them, we learn not to judge them for being themselves.
If we have are in a relationship with someone that likes to abuse us emotionally we may decide to see them less often but when we do we focus on enjoying the good things about them and not finding fault with the bad. We also learn to stop listening to their negative words about us, just as we have learnt to stop listening to our own negative thoughts about ourselves. If we really can't find anything good about them; if we really can't enjoy their company at all or if the abuse is more than just verbal, then we may even stop seeing them altogether. That is perfectly OK.
The key is to keep looking for the joy, for the positive aspects of others that we can fall in love with again. We learn to switch off our negative thoughts about ourselves and others and replace them with something positive. That way we take the load off. We enlighten ourselves.
In addition, just by setting this example others may follow suit...
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