Have you ever been frustrated with your partner because of their fears? Do you ever wish your partner could be more open-minded and let go of their anxieties or stresses?

Before going on a journey to try to change your partner and to try to get rid of their fears it is worth stopping, taking a breath and noticing what 'needs' are arising in you: 

What 'freedom' are you needing? And is that need really allowing you to be free in this moment? Do you 'need' to change your partner? Do you 'need' them to get rid of their fears?  And what is your motivation behind all these needs?


The moment you enter into neediness you will feel a tightening in your body. You too have actually entered into fear. Because need and fear are two sides of the same coin..... 

Once you have observed that you have gone into neediness and tightening then it may well be worth looking into it what it is you are craving and, by doing so, accepting your role in the need/fear dynamic that is arising in your relationship.

The reason this process is valuable is because we so often get caught up in trying to change our partners without recognising that our need is as strong as their fears! The ego-based behaviour we can so easily recognise in others is sometimes harder to spot in ourselves. The key to spotting when we have become attached to an outcome (become needy) is to be aware of the sensations in our body. Whenver we attach to an outcome or argue with the current situation a tension arises somewhere in our body. This is our body saying to us. "Hey you've gone into need mode. And it hurts me...."

Freedom comes from recognising that your need not only hurts you but can also be partially responsible for the fears in your partner. When you let go of the need, your body will relax and you will feel lighter and more peaceful. In addition, your partner may recognise this in you and begin to let go of some of their fears. It is a virtuous circle in action....

Its your thoughts that make you suffer more than anything else. its not usually the situation, its your interpretation of the situation, of how dreadful it all is (or is going to be). So when you see that, then you see that there is another way to live in which I no longer mentatlly argue with what is. And that is the end of self inflicted suffering. And if I no longer inflict suffering on myself, i no longer inflict suffering on others because the two go together.........

In this short clip Eckhart Tolle hits the proverbial nail in the head with regard to decision making. What guides us that we are making the right decision, one that is from a higher consciousness than pure ego? The feeling in the body. Is there negative unpleasant sensation in the body or is there a feeling of peace? This is the essence of Positive Meditation. 

Here is Byron Katie, one of the masters of self-enquiry demonstrating 'the work' in action. Just take a few minutes to see how this simple process can change belief systems and create happier lives 

I have come to find that all human suffering is borne of the thought, 'I am not good enough...'. In these two videos, self enquiry teacher Byron Katie shows us how to turn around those thoughts that tell us that we are not good enough, not successful enough and not living up to our full potential... (part 2)